The Dynamek Perspective – June 2014

Welcome back, one & all! Aphro Dynamek here ready with another topic of discussion to give you all a little extra something to think about for when you put down the sticks. Today, we're going to decide who would make the best possible FG father. FInd out who after the jump... 

So, I am sure you've all noticed, I haven't spent any time this month talking about fathers like I did last month with mothers. This wasn't out of any disdain for daddies of the world, trust me. It's just that between all the Takumas, RocksMishimas & Heiderns in the gaming world, we have a something of a surplus regarding fathers. Same thing with father figures, too. The fighting game landscape is just chock full of 'em. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, but you can see how the scales are tipped in the favor of the male parent. It's that very abundance that rose the following question:

Who would be the coolest dad in fighting games?

Now, I've been marinating over that idea all month & I realized that I needed to lay some ground rules for myself. One, he had to be someone who wasn't predisposed to possibly mistreating their children. (I'm looking at you, Hayato.) Secondly, they need to have some sense of stability, so all you wanderer types are immediately disqualified. Finally, and this is important, they need to be family oriented to a certain degree. Loners, you bad boys are out of the running. Alright, so now that the proverbial playing field has been narrowed some, we have a very clear idea of who could be prime father material. Before I reveal my choice, understand that this is purely my opinion... this isn't etched in stone anywhere, an official ranking or anything like that.

Imagine him waiting for you while you try to sneak in after curfew.

Imagine having HIM wait for you while you're trying to sneak in after curfew.

That's right, ladies & gentlmen, I pick none other than Andy Bogard as possibly the coolest dad to have in the fighting game world. Why? Simple, because everything about him -- both directly & indirectly -- is awesome in terms of being a father. Let's start with the immediately obvious. If Andy were to have a son, all signs point to Mai Shiranui being the mother. More often than not, she would be the 'good cop' if you ever got into trouble. Furthermore, there's a very strong chance that Andy would possibly still have Mai's 'baby brother', Hokutomaru, as his pupil in the ninja arts. So, just to be clear, if Andy was your father, you would be born... into a clan... of ninjas. I repeat, born into a clan of ninjas. Can you imagine how awesome that would be? Andy's too busy training or meditating, so Mai or Hoku come up to you and say "Hey, little one, you wanna learn how to control fire?" I ask you, my FGC brothers & sisters, who in their right mind would say no to that? The real treat in being Andy's child, however, comes in the form of your extended family.

Summer vacations will never be the same!

Summer vacations would get kicked up a few notches with this crew...

Oh yeah, that's the real prize! Sure, being a ninja at home is awesome, but nothing beats when your cool-as-all-hell aunt & uncles show up. Think about it. Uncle Terry rolls up on his kickass bike and tells his brother that he's taking you fishing or to play a little ball. Next thing you know, you got a front row seat at a fight club to watch your uncle bust every type of ass in his immediate field of vision. Once you're done there, it's off to the beach to meet up with Aunt Mary & soak up a little sun. Since we all know Mary's practically the definition of a 'ride or die chick', it wouldn't be a thing for her to play wingman for you. Hell, depending on whether or not all of you have been to that beach before, she might even play it up like she's one of your side chicks just to get all the other honeys looking your way. It don't get much better than that. Until you turn 21, that is...

Which leads me to good ol' Uncle Joe. It's no secret that Joe is the wild card in the Hungry Wolves clique. Furthermore, we all know he has a taste for some of the more luxurious & extravagant things in life. In the beginning, I can imagine him being the uncle that takes you shopping and gets you anything you want, sends you the best presents for your birthday and Christmas & all that. Let's be honest, though, you can bet your bottom dollar that once you're old enough to really hang, you boys are going to either Vegas, Amsterdam, Tijuana or Bangkok. Who are we kidding here, Joe's most likely taking you on a debauchery world tour. Suffice it to say, bail money would be a must.

So there you have it, folks. For all these reasons, I cast my vote for Andy Bogard being the coolest dad to have in fighting games. Any cons you possibly think of are laughably outweighed by the pros here. If you can imagine something cooler than 1) being born into ninja clan, 2) having fun-loving relatives and 3) an almost guaranteed off-the-charts insane 21st birthday, then I'm clearly in the wrong business.

Until next time... keep fighting the good fight, my friends.

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