The Malloy List – February 2015

Before anyone asks: Yes, it is officially cold enough for me! Damn, this northeast weather has been unreal. Anyways, we're here today to etch another name on to the illustrious Malloy List. After the jump, you'll meet a man with more flair than most, but he's no less lethal for it... 

For any of my fellow movie buffs out there, I'm sure you may recall a justifiably overlooked movie from 2010 called "Bunraku". If you don't remember it, no worries... it was fairly forgettable for a number of reasons. Also, another movie released that same year pretty much did everything right that Bunarku did wrong by leaps & bounds. However, that's not to say the film didn't have its merits. Its biggest flaw, though, is that it ultimately chose style over substance. Which haphazardly leads me to our inductee this month.


ZZ Top was right: Every girl crazy about a sharp dressed man.

The man you see above is the (unfortunately ranked) Killer No. 2 of the Ten Killers. According to the film, the Ten Killers are the personal guard of the most powerful man east of the Atlantic, Nicola the Woodcutter. Not unlike the headbands from Afro Samurai, the only way to advance in rank is to challenge by order of ascension. As such, the only person quote unquote "stronger" than Killer No. 2 would be Killer No. 1 a.k.a. Nicola. As for Killers No. 3 - No. 10, they're all ultimately disposable. Each one is either a formulaic plot device, a one-note gimmick, a quickly disposed siloutte or just straight up copies of the film's two protagonists. So, yeah, his is the only number worth remembering in the movie.

Now, remember what I said earlier about style over substance? If you ever come to watch this movie, you'll notice a recurring theme to all that pinache. Pretty much all of the nameless goons who get cut down during the runtime belong to the Red Army. Basically, they're Killers No. 11 - No. (fill in the blank to your heart's desire). However, since Nicola is more or less a socially embittered hermit, he leaves the administrative work to No. 2. Due to him having relative creative control over the organization, No. 2 at some point instituted a rather debonair dress code... hence the title, Red Army.

So what game would be a good fit for our elegant & exquisite assassin here? Well, I been thinking about this one longer than the others & I came to the realization that No. 2 frankly doesn't belong in any current-gen titles. Not that he wouldn't fit in, mind you, but because there's somewhere else I feel he is sorely needed. Think back, my FGC brothers & sisters, to the ancient time of 1996 when a simple game named Battle Arena Toshinden debuted the third installment of its series. (FYI, I adored this game. Seriously, I held it hostage from Blockbuster Video for at least 2 1/2 months... late fees be damned!) There was a LOT going on with this game. It redesigned so much from the first two, it's hard to fathom their relation. However, I'm not bringing up this game solely because I think Killer No. 2 would be an easily intergrated part of the roster. Oh no, it goes deeper than that this month, ladies & gentleman.

On the character roster for Battle Arena Toshinden 3, there was a swordsman named Ten Count. I'm not going to lie to you folks, I sincerely & genuinely hated Ten Count. Not because he was (unapologetically) fashioned after Michael Jackson in "Smooth Criminal", but because his inclusion struck me as the lamest homage/parody of all time. If you wanna put Michael Jackson in a fighting game, use this version of him because it is legitimately more threatening! Okay, okay... I needed to get that out of my system. In any case, I recommend that Killer No. 2 would be the perfect replacement for Ten Count. In terms of both gameplay & story, he'd mesh perfectly on all counts.

Until next time... keep fighting the good fight my friends.

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