The Malloy List – July 2015

WARNING: At the risk of giving away this month's pick for the Malloy List, I must be crystalline clear that there are potentially HUGE spoilers ahead if you're a Gravity Falls fan (like myself) but haven't seen the latest episode. I will do my best to be delicate... 

Before we get this going, I have to ask: Can you believe EVO this year? Wonders never cease, I tell you. Congratulations to all the competitors that showed up & showed out for the whole world to see. I think I might just need to follow the example of brothers-in-arms and head out to Vegas next year... but that's a whole year away & there are a number of things I have to focus on in the meantime. Still, though... something to keep in mind.

Anyways, back to business. This month's addition to the Malloy List might seem weird (even by my standards), but I feel this guy could do some serious damage if given a chance. Furthermore, he's about as unconventional of a pick as one could imagine since his origins/background has no real basis in combat. At the end of the day, he's really just someone trying to do what he can for the sake of his family. However, it is that very dedication that can make him so dangerous.


Do not let anything about this picture fool you, Stan is not what he seems.


Stanley Pines aka "Grunkle Stan", owner & proprietor of the Mystery Shack. On the surface, Stan plays the role of "sneaky curmudgeon" to a fault, what with his constant scheming & cranky demeanor. Ever servant to the almighty dollar, Stan will run with almost any idea he deems even remotely profitable. From selling vacuums door-to-door to recording kid fights, he will try his damnedest to build them stacks. However, this is mostly a façade. Until recently, it was a secret that Stan had been working to reengage an interdimensional portal in the hopes of rescuing his twin brother, Stanford Pines. No small feat, I admit, but it's not the reason I chose him.

You see, Stanley has had to keep up his act for an exceptionally long time. When you train people to expect nothing from you, the slightest thing sets them off and that is why his name is being etched on the List. Through some the strangest circumstances (read: just another day in Gravity Falls), Dipper haphazardly kickstarted a zombie apocalypse in an effort to show off in front of some government agents. Aside from leading to one of the funniest dialogue exchanges I've ever heard between him & his twin sister, it understandably caused a panic amongst the townsfolk. In the midst of all that chaos, what did Stan do? Grabbed a slugger, threw on the brass knuckles & went to work! And when the bat got smashed, did that stop him? HELL NO! Grunkle Stan threw down & started laying zombies out! That's ballsy, ladies & gentlemen. How ballsy, you may ask... on a scale of one to ten, that's Ash Williams ballsy right there. There was also that one time when he wrestled a pterodactyl with his bare hands and won, but I digress.

Here's the tricky part, though. Given the context of this column, Stan represents a serious conundrum for me. Frankly, I don't know what game to put him in. On the simple merit of being a Disney character, I would have figured SM4SH to be a good fit, but the depth of Stan's intrigue feels as if it elevates him the generally whimsical atmosphere with that series. Then I got to thinking about Tekken before I realized that they've already worked the twin angle. Same for King of Fighters and the Meira brothers from Maximum Impact. This led me to consider to Street Fighter V. Considering all the changes Capcom is making to the franchise, adding Stan to that roster might be a worthwhile addition. Besides, with all the mystery surrounding Stan, his story (or one like it, adjusted accordingly to SFV's canon) could be really engaging. Hey, you never know...

Until next time... keep fighting the good fight, my friends.

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