Aphro’s Asskicking Anthems – January 2016

What it is, what it is, what it is... shed no tears. Your boy Aphro has returned from the silence to bring your more of those crazy sounds for all your beatdowns. Music & action simply go hand in hand... but today, it's time to get sexy. After the jump, let's get this track spinning...

Mmmm-mm-mmm! Drink that in, folks... let it empower & envelop you in it with its aura. You are currently being rocked by "Queen of Desire" by Ostrogoth from their 1984 album, Ecstasy and Danger. For the younger readers, this song might sound familiar thanks to the simply amazing soundtrack of the (quite possibly soon-to-have a sequel) Brütal Legend. As great as this song is, it's only a taste of the incredible collection of rock & heavy metal that the game employs. However, I digress. Here's something you might not know about me: I have a few female friends that are or have been exotic dancers and, every so often, they'll ask me for a music recommendation. This song right here is pretty much my go-to answer. Aside from the fact that they're talking about the kind of woman that could rock you like a Category V, the ebb & flow of this song is perfect for that type of performance. My only regret is that I've never been around to see any of them dance to it... go figure.

Once again, it falls to yours truly to search throughout the vast landscape of fighting game characters and pick just one to assign yet another Asskicking Anthem to their already impressive legacy. When it comes to gaming, there is absolutely no shortage of foxxy ladies to be found. However, one special lady in particular has left her impression on gamers for roughly 20 years now and she doesn't show any signs of slowing/cooling down anytime soon.

There's not a single dirty thought you can have that she hasn't already done, trust me.

Any dirty thought you may be having right now is old hat to her, trust me.

The original bonnie lass of fighting game beauties, Darkstalker/Vampire Savior's own femme fatale extraordinaire: Morrigan Aensland! Please don't act surprised. You show me any gamer -- male or female -- that has laid eyes on Morrigan & hasn't thought something freaky at some point and I'll show you a liar. She has been one of the most famously stylized examples of sexuality/sensuality in gaming over the years and has practically become synonymous with the very concept. Don't believe me? Check this out. Not enough for you? Boom, hold that. Hell, even when she's not the focus, she's STILL over-the-top with it! And don't even get me started on her Eternal Slumber. I rest my case.

Allow me to paint a mental picture for you: It's your bachelor/bachelorette party and your significant other has given you the green light to hit up a gentleman's club. You get there, check the scene and go about the usual business of having a few drinks & maybe getting a quick lap dance. For the sake of argument, let's just say that the experience has been relatively subpar by the standards of your expectations. Without warning, the DJ draws your attention to the main stage and announces that they're bringing you a special treat all the way from Auld Reekie... the lights go down, a hush falls over the crowd & that aforementioned opening guitar riff kicks... next thing you know, the emerald-haired vixen herself appears on stage. Since you're the hitherto "guest of honor", she brings you up on the stage after making her presence known. That melodic bridge hits the second she focuses all her considerable attention on you & you alone. Once the shredding returns, she shows each and every single set of eyes in the joint why she's a headlining feature dancer. My prayers be with you if she decides to take you into the Champagne Room, though... there's a very strong chance you might not make it down the aisle later.

Until next time... keep fighting the good fight, my friends.

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