The dust has finally settled, so it's time to get back to work! This month's Character Battle focuses on one simple thing: who's feeding me?! After the jump, let's meet our iron chefs...
Now before we get into things, I wanted to apologize to our readers for falling off with the usual editorial schedule here like a stuntman leaping out of a skyscraper window. With all the "cloak & dagger" tactics that went into preparing for Evo (as well as some non-FGC stuff), something inevitably had to suffer and that was unfortunately my writing regimen. However, I must commend my KPB Scribes for carrying on in high fashion during my absence. *sniff* I'm so proud!
Anyways, back to business as (un)usual. Since the summer is in full swing at the moment, we all find ourselves spending a little more time outdoors. Some of you may have summer jobs, others are out & about travelling and I'm sure some of you are just kicking your feet up while you soak in some rays. All of that is awesome, but there's one thing that each group I just mentioned has in common: sooner or later, you need some food. Now, if you're on the move and don't necessarily feel like slowing down to eat indoors, then you can always rely on a trusty food truck to quell your hunger pangs. As such, this month's Battle seeks to determine who would have the Best Food Truck!
Be honest, how many of you have been waiting for this matchup? On one side of the street, we got everybody's favorite hot dumpling, GGXrd's Jam Kuradoberi! Her cutthroat counterpart on all matters confection-centric, Marshall Law from the Tekken series! Not only are these two chefs, but this is one of the rare occasions where both contestants happen to be Chinese. Not unlike how some of you prefer your steak, that actually is pretty rare for this column. *rimshot* Another thing they have in common is that there's documented video footage of both fighters throwing more than cooking skills in their respective establishments. Keep this mind because it will be a factor later.
Since I consider myself a gentlemen & have been called as such on more than occasion, let's start with Jam. With the keen sense to infuse her cooking with her own ki, the flavor of whatever she whips up stands head & shoulders above anything else you've had in the past. Even the tuner Haehyun, someone quite literally in sync with the ki of the entire planet, commends her on the quality of her fried rice. Forgive me for saying so, but that's pretty damned impressive. As fate would have it, over the course of the series, Jam would build up the funds to start her own restaurant... which was ultimately burnt to the ground by Robo-Ky. She never actually got the spot back up & running again, so the idea of setting up shop on a more mobile basis might just suit her (and her adventurous lifestyle) for the better.
There's an old saying: "Once you reach the top, there's nowhere to go but down". Marshall Law more or less embodies that to a T. He's tasted the success, but coming up on the wrong side of a bidding war with another rival franchise had him hitting rock bottom. What's worse is that Marshall was (almost) able to revive his restaurant business, but that inability to receive criticism led to another foreclosure... and, I imagine, a few lawsuits. Adding literal insult to injury, you have his son & best friend who are constantly proving to be just terrible liabilities when it comes to money. Between all their combined motorcycle accidents, those medical bills pile up sky high. Even when he manages to bounce back with the dojo, they somehow find a way to break his bank again. Given the state of the world within Tekken's canon, I'd be willing to bet that someone making the rounds with a food truck might be just the type of pick-me-up some folks desperately need during their day.
So now that we've learned a bit about our contestants, the time has come to name a winner. Remember how I said that both of them kicking ass in their restaurants would become a factor? Well, let's examine that a bit closer. Both are martial artists, so there's a fairly good chance that their sense of right & wrong are pretty solid. Should some thuggery take place within their field of vision, I can see both fighters pumping the breaks on servicing their customers and hopping out to unleash some justice. That type of thing could easily land you on the six o'clock news in the best possible way. However, there is a chance -- slim though it may be -- that one of our contestants today might not be so benevolent in their quest for righteous retribution. As stated earlier, Marshall has some relatively thin skin when it comes to criticism, which means that there's a possibility that his news highlight at the top of the hour might not bring the type of publicity he'd want. Before long, that vicious cycle of "restaurant > lawsuit > dojo > Paul & Forest" will start up again and he'll be right back to Square Zero. All Jam would ever have to really worry about is maybe getting made fun of for her broken English. Don't know about of you out there, but I'd rather become a meme over a defendant any day of the week.
WINNER: JAM KURADOBERI
Until next time... keep fighting the good fight, my friends.