Warning! The following may be offensive & detrimental to rational thinking, logic application and IQ levels. Some content may not be deemed appropriate for the faint of heart, those with ill temperament and lack a basic sense of humor. It is a guarantee some readers will feel some type of way and proceed to either chuck this piece by the wayside or promote it for their own asinine views. If you have impeccable mental fortitude, can take a joke and dust your shoulder off like a pimp, then what you are about to see just might be the extra lift you need to get through the day and maybe… the year.
Tonight’s affair won’t be the ordinary study. Tonight, you journey into a wondrous land of imagination... or lack thereof. You see there is a dimension beyond that is which known to intelligent man. It is a dimension of flaming, a dimension of memes, a dimension without mind. It is the middle ground between unabashed bashing and blind brand loyalty, between stream warriors and monsters, and it lies between the pit of the comments section and summit of forum posts. You have just crossed over into the dank dimension we call: the PaKappa Zone.
Street Fighter V: Arcade Edition
We enter into the house of Capcom, a house divided but the only house that matters. Imagine if you will, the fragile division between slander and clamor. That line lost in the sand during the scurry back to the Street Fighter bandwagon for a promise of deeper mechanics & a season of characters to give the sense of a true SF title. An introduction of more V-Triggers, Sakura and Sagat that outsiders contest that should have been present from the beginning, brings the fanatics to their knees. Once was blasphemous bitching becomes the worship at the heels of a mysterious idol that has not fully revealed its inner workings & deeds. Nonetheless, at the beck and call of AE they forsake all others until the realization of unfulfillment lingers. Their blindness removed, they see that never before have they played or liked Sakura or Cody. Bewilderment returns as the soothing taste of vanilla is absent and the old Sagat they cherished stands before them, different and unfamiliar. The appeal of the 2nd V-Trigger soon loses its luster and everyone involved discovers nothing has really changed, so what would stop this animalistic take on man to revert back to the venomous tendencies of the previous year? The confrontment of the aftermath varies upon each player; do you make amends with a game for delivering a late package or become bitter that this is the only game that gets a pardon for this? One’s decision must be made in the silence of their hearts as no one cares in the flood of hypocrisy we know as… the PaKappa Zone.
Marvel Vs. Capcom: Infinite
Picture a fervor to keep the declining, vibrant. Carried by a generation for pride & joy to keep their culture thriving. This generation is unlike their predecessors, the naïveté & hallmark of their time when they flourished can only be referred to as ‘Generation X.’ Consider if you will, the prayers of the lost but self-efficient children answered by an Infinite new herald immediately proclaimed as a messiah just to be pronounced dead on arrival. Murder by omission before it could preach its new word; all because what was in it for the followers wasn’t at all what they become accustomed to.
Now, take notice of your surroundings as the funeral of MVCI is taking place at this moment while suspended in a future loop to be constantly repeated. The game lays in its coffin reluctant but puts up no resistance before being sealed, closed and lowered into the ground. Generation X almost excitedly shovels dirt into the plot. The more dirt piled on the casket, the more of a waste. A pity and dash of cruel irony is set into motion. Each shovel discards dirt along with their reason, their logic, their knowledge, but worst of all, their potential. The foolish burial is complete and the attendees inscribe the epitaph:
Death by no variety, defense and X-Men.
Survived by UMVC3 DA GOAT!”
The ceremony comes to an end and everyone proceeds to defecate all over the false tombstone then leaves soon after. None of them paid any mind to the nonchalance of the game the entire time. Ignorance was bliss for Generation X, the idea of a subterranean community that can match or outdo their passion & skill would be catastrophic to their psyche. It was that irony that MVCI took solace in because it knew every patch of dirt thrown on it would bring it closer to the underground anime community that would heed what it had to offer and study what modern day Mahvel can be. Not a second thought was given to their actions as Generation X continued onto Dragonball FighterZ, the supposed true messiah. Who’s to say the same memorial they are bound to partake in by their own volition isn’t a self fulfilling doomed prophecy? Generation X looks to DBFZ for a helping of ‘Sparkling Blast’ in hopes it’s a suitable substitute to the drug that’s crippled their fundamentals since the dawn of their inception: X-Factor. It’s uncertain if the disappointment is preordained to repeat. It is uncertain if their fix can be found, but what is certain is… beggars can be choosers in the PaKappa Zone.
DBFZ, newly discovered hallowed ground, a fresh start free of persecution for all fighters. A safe haven for Capcom deserters, haters and advocates alike to be considered equals. Sanctuary for casual DBZ gamers to revamp themselves as part of the hardcore. The faction with most to gain for this new branch off in the FGC, are the anime players. For them, it’s a golden opportunity to excel in a fighter that has a mainstream license that fits their talents. When the dust settles, this new land run by Saiyans & Dragons will be theirs to rule. For your perusal, we jump ahead in the future, although not guaranteed but a very possible outcome. By the letter of natural law, a new breeding ground for prosperity will bare toxicity. For all the capabilities of a game that’s equal parts DBZ license and competent fighting game, there will be the criticisms of both worlds to snuff out the light. The once anticipated new settlement in the FGC now doesn’t bear the fruit it could have; the soil barren, stunts growth due to excuses. It is the one and the same persecution that ingrained itself in the other lands, complaints of broken mechanics in the form of Dragon Balls & overpowered characters like Yamcha and Hit. An imminent compiled exodus of wasted potential from perhaps Generation X, try-hards and DBZ fanboys that couldn’t break through their self-imposed glass ceilings contribute to this grim realm. Upon further inspection, those ceilings also disclose grievances on them. “Doesn’t suit my playstyle.” “Tired of getting my ass kicked by furries.” “Tenkaichi 3 had better depth than this.” These are some of many anecdotes to come to pass when fools rush in to a deemed utopia. It’s neither here nor there for DBFZ to last a week or a decade, it is strictly business as usual in the PaKappa Zone.
Time: 2018, enclosing on 3 quarters of a year since release date. Place: Halfway through DLC pack #3. Public appeal: Who the hell cares, when’s MK11? Envision if you will, a studio that produces AAA titles adorned by the masses; recipient of an abundance of awards and accolades… disposed of from boredom six months later like an old toy. Every two years like clockwork the next NRS game comes & goes and, all the while, a fleeting fancy for its community. Fans fleeting, for the sake of obliviousness of the substance before them. You flip a coin: one side, casual... the other, hardcore. It lands, for the sake of argument, on casual. On this side of the superhero spectrum, you have a bounty of single player options to choose from at your leisure. Once consumed, enjoyed and reflected upon, the fanboys exclaim none of this has been done before & it is by far an amazing experience. So grand an experience, yet bears no longevity. What didn’t occur to them was the punch in the initial burst behind the glitz and glamour of a spectacle that was all too familiar between plotlines, mechanics and shared moves. Too proud are they to admit that it’s more of the same with a pinch less effort or rather, effort in the wrong areas. You turn to the other side of the coin of self-cannibalism; a dysfunctional community that can’t get out of its own way. This side knows the differences between the parallel franchises, however openly abandons one once the other’s new installment takes off. They do little to aid the doldrums of the games they play. No one on either side of the coin inspects the coin itself which was another palette swap of the previous coin all made by palette swap makers. It is unlikely that the incoming Kappas will lead everyone out of the dank dimension.
Before we journey back through that door that’s taken us on this journey, we must pass through the limbo state. Stepped out of the 2D and into the 3D, the quality is extra-dimensional. A complete package with no complaints, no worries, no quirks-
Let it be known all improbable things are possible, such as a Capcom Vs. SNK 3 Cross Final Fantasy by Bamco, in the muddled side of the PaKappa Zone.
We conclude our expedition with a friendly reminder that the dank dimension has existed in many lands, in many times. It has its roots in history, yet rears itself in the present day. It transcends the passage of time through the minds of gremlins & laziness of try-hards. Take heed of your better judgment and resist the temptation to scroll down the comments lest you start feeling the fun getting sucked out of you. Keep on playing and fighting the good fight. Otherwise, if your eyes wonder outside of your peripherals, you will gaze upon... the PaKappa Zone.