The Malloy List – November 2015

Ultra Rage is nothing but a memory now and NEC 16 is soon to be upon us, so my downtime is brief. While I have your attention for the moment, I wanted to inscribe a new name onto the Malloy List. After the jump, hold on to your butts because things are about to get weird...

When anyone would try to describe this month's inductee, phrases like "out of this world" & "one of a kind" run to the front of your mind. Even then, they wouldn't be doing justice to just how unique this character is. Frankly, there are very few words or expressions that could even come close to describing them accurately, so it's probably better if I just make the reveal already.

Devil his due, the guy is a snappy dresser...

Devil his due, the guy is one snappy dresser...

Do not be alarmed, not because there's nothing to fear, but because I'm pretty sure your pain & panic sustains him somehow. This innocuous looking answer to an algebra question is none other than Gravity Falls' Bill Cipher. Although he comes off as what most would see as a playful trickster, Bill is MUCH more than his eccentric sense of humor. More to the point, he's a sadistic megalomaniac with designs of pandimensional conquest. (Apparently, he must be a huge Garbage fan.)

To give some type of context as to what Bill is (or, rather, might be), consider Mr. Myxzptlk: an entity from outside our concept of reality whose presence in a "lesser" dimension grants him immeasurable power. What type of power, you ask? These are simply the one-word entries on the laundry list of powers & abilities he possesses at his disposal as a "dream demon": apportation, clairvoyance, intangibility, possession, precognition, pyrokinesis, telekinesis -AND- telepathy. I left off a few because, honestly, going on any further down that list would feel like overkill. He's also a master manipulator who is always willing to make a deal, but pulls the old "monkey's paw" routine and turns your wants & desires against you in the most horrifying fashion imaginable. And don't even get me started on his (possibly not) final form.

So where would one as inclined as myself place Bill? I am going to say this as unironicially as possible: I want Bill in SM4SH like you can't even imagine! Never mind the insane juxtaposition of Bill's personality against the overall feel of the game, but just think how much fun it would be to have the Mystery Shack as one of the stages and Judylwb Idoov end up as a hidden stage unlocked with an oldschool input code or after certain in-game prerequisites are met. Hell, both stages even already come with their own respectively distinct & disturbing background themes. A majority of the work is already done. If you like, we can even take this a step further and have Bill replace Tabuu as the final boss. How badass would that be? As always, though, it's simply a hypothetical... but I can dream, can't I?

Until next time... keep fighting the good fight, my friends.

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